Thoughts about Brussels

The first thing I saw when I woke up on Tuesday morning was the news that there had been a terrorist attack in Brussels. The anger and sadness I felt was so overwhelming that I just lay in bed and cried. I don't think we, as compassionate human beings, can ever understand what drives people to do this.
We can analyse for weeks on end and write books and interview ex-Daech members. But to get anywhere close to comprehending why somebody would plan for months and years to kill innocent people? Impossible.

Impossible was the word a Belgian minister apparently used to describe the war on terror. In an odd sort of way, I felt a grim sense of relief that at least somebody seems to be voicing what the people feel. I understand why world leaders have to give the zero-tolerance response that they do. But the problem is so complex, and we don't have enough resources or manpower, 'we' being Europe as a whole.

I know that to say that the problem is 'impossible' is not helpful, nor necessarily what we need to hear in times like these. However I felt that it was an expression of what a lot of people seem to feel, and within me at least, this very human admission struck a chord.

I think that one of the most upsetting things that people are saying is that it was only a matter of time. I admit that when I saw the news, it was a shock, but it was not a surprise. I cannot imagine the atmosphere in Brussels ever since the Paris attacks if that was truly what everyone was thinking. A whole city, afraid. At the very least, in the aftermath of the Paris attacks, we all had the facts to deal with to try and make sense of things. But the Belgians had none of that; all they had was rumours and fear for a good few months until this.

One thing that I find disgusting is sensationalist media headlines saying things like: 'London is next!' and 'Europe under attack!'. This is absolutely useless. It gives no practical or official information and just spreads more fear, which is incidentally the aim of the terrorists. We KNOW that London is a terrorist target. Sensationalist reporting just to sell more copies or whatever is absolutely awful, and is one of the things that annoyed me the most in the days after both the Paris and Brussels attacks.

Sorry that this just turned into a huge rant, if you even carried on reading after the first paragraph. These attacks really have affected me and my friends in Paris on a personal level, even though we don't know many people in Brussels. I wouldn't wish the impact of the attacks on Paris on any city.

Realistically, this won't be the last. But it would be wonderful if it was.

K x

Why this term has been the best!

I can't believe that I'm going home in a week for Easter. It seems about five minutes since I got back to Paris after Christmas!

This term has been absolutely amazing. I've loved pretty much every minute- of course, not those spent writing essays into the early hours the night before a deadline! It's all part of the student life, I suppose.

Whereas I spent pretty much the whole of last term trying to find my feet here and balancing studying, work, a social life and sleep (I still haven't cracked this), this term I've been able to relax and just enjoy being here. My area really does feel like home now, and so do all my other favourite places in Paris. I've had more time to go out with my friends, and I've met so many amazing new people at language events. Plus, I went to Disneyland for the first time, and got excited like a small child.

It's odd to think that I arrived here knowing nobody. Now I feel so lucky to be living with such wonderful girls, and to know some amazing people at uni. I've found out that I actually like doing exercise, and actively look forward to going for a run. What's happened?!
 I've had loads of cool movie nights, and gone to the massive cinemas in Montparnasse to see some amazing new releases. I guess this is what happens when you live with people who know a lot about films and theatre. I'm not complaining!

On Thursday, I saw Zazie on her Encore Heureux Tour. This chanteuse is the whole reason that I even started learning French in the first place, so seeing her perform for the first time (my dream for about six years) in Paris, where I live because of her, was perfect. I knew every single song she sung by heart, not only because they taught me French, but because they each represented a different part of my teenage years. Of course, I bought loads of overpriced merchandise, including a massive poster (to my roommates dismay!).

It was one of the best nights of my life. It kind of felt like a symbolic end to my period of feeling like a newbie here. I feel like I've been upgraded one level closer to being a real Parisian.


I especially feel this way because today I had lunch in my favourite café in St Michel with some of my favourite people, and then we went to see Don Giovanni at the Versailles Opera. It really was the perfect Sunday.

I know that exams are looming, but for now, I just want to make the most of Paris in the spring and my wonderful flatmates who won't be here next year.
This time next week, I'll be back in my front room with my lovely family. I can't wait to see you all!

K x

Thoughts on homelessness in Paris

I've been meaning to write a post about this for a while. It's an issue that's been at the back-and often the forefront- of my mind for a few months, because there are people begging and sleeping rough wherever I go in Paris.
There's an old man who limps in and out of the traffic when it stops at the lights at the Vavin intersection, shaking an old coffee cup at the drivers. There's a very disturbed guy who sits outside one of the cinemas on the Place du 18 juin 1940, shouting incomprehensibly at nothing. On the same Place, a family of three sleeps on a mattress outside one of the little newspaper kiosks. I walk past them every time I go to the swimming pool

Often somebody will get on the métro and resignedly recite a speech to the carriage, explaining they have no food and begging for money or a 'ticket restaurant', a food voucher.

It always amazes and repulses me in equal measure that in a first world, economically prosperous country, people are left to live in such awful conditions. They're begging metres from expensive restaurants and expensive apartments.  I have the means to rent a room and buy food, which is more than some of these people will ever have. This actually makes me feel a bit sick, because some people beg all day for the bare minimum to stay alive, whereas I have everything I need and more and only do a couple of hours work a week.

Yesterday, my flatmates and I took the metro to a club. During the journey, one homeless guy sitting near us attacked another homeless guy who he seemed to be travelling with. At one point, he threatened him with a metal padlock on the end of a strap. He was swinging it, meaning serious damage. I'm pretty sure that nobody in the train breathed for a moment. Luckily, the other guy managed to calm his attacker down before anything really serious happened.

 It really made me think. The violent one was definitely not right mentally and I wondered what sort of life he had led, and what sort of prospects he had in the future, i.e. none. Although these men were human beings just like me and my friends, and we were sharing a train, they almost came from another world, having been outlawed from society. I can't imagine what it must be like, being on the outside and looking in. Sharing city streets with students and businessmen and women, but never being entitled to anything. No wonder the guy had mental health problems.

I don't really know what to do about all this- I do sometimes give to people on the street, especially if its a girl my age or a family, but I've had a lot of people tell me I shouldn't because there's no way of knowing where the money is going. One of my ideas is to somehow get my hands on some 'tickets restaurant'- I don't know if I can buy them to give to people from some sort of organisation, but at least it would ensure that what I give is going towards food. If anyone knows any charities that help the homeless specifically in the Ile-de-France area, please let me know. Once again, that way I'd know that anything that I would give would go to the right place.

Just a few thoughts on a Friday!

K x

Embracing my inner tourist and going to Language Exchanges

I came back to Paris after Christmas feeling like I'd never been away. Apart from a rather nasty surprise of library fines (that's what you get for getting out three different biographies of De Gaulle and forgetting about them), I'm so happy to be back.
 It's very cold here; the pond in the Luxembourg gardens has actually iced over! Somehow this only adds to the Parisian charm. The Christmas decorations are still up, although very late at night last week we witnessed somebody lowering her dead Christmas tree out of the window of her fourth floor apartment by a worryingly thin string. The man who we assumed to be her husband waiting to catch it on the ground looked mortified!

There's a new girl on my floor from Egypt studying for a semester at the Sorbonne, which has resulted in me attending most of their Fresher's events! There's so much going on on the international student scene that I wasn't even aware of last term. They have amazing parties most nights a week, latino dancing nights and of course plenty of language exchanges and trips. I can't wait to get involved this term.

I've taken the decision to leave my job, as I've found it increasingly difficult to balance it with my uni work. I have to work the two month notice period, so I'll be finishing mid-March, just before the exams start.
This is really convenient, not only because it means that I'll have so much more time to study, but also because I can go home for a good chunk of the Easter break. It's only been three weeks, but I'm already missing my family and friends way more than last term. During the Christmas break I had such a good time with everyone that it was hard to leave them behind.

That said, when you're in a city like Paris there is always something to do to take your mind off things. I've been  up the Arc de Triomphe for the first time, revisited Napoleon's tomb and the army museum at Invalides, and explored the 10ème.
On Sunday, I went with some friends to a language exchange at the tearoom at the big Mosque in the 13ème. We drank very sweet tea and talked about North Korea, which was actually quite fun. I would definitely recommend it!

Important note to any students reading- check out the Covent Garden Soup Company. They make cartons of healthy fresh soup that all you have to do is heat up. Carrot and Coriander is amazing, as is Thai Chicken. You can find them in Monoprix, Franprix and Casino, and I think I'm eating so much better because of it. Gone are the days of different shapes of pasta!

As always, a heap of important assignments have crept up on me and so these next few weeks probably won't be as eventful as the last. I still have heaps of plans, some more adventurous than others (days out of the city visiting castles and concentration camps among them), but they might have to be put on hold until these essays are out the way! I have to constantly keep reminding myself that I'm here to study...

Speaking of, I have to leave for work now.

K x

Reflexions on the last semester, and plans for the next

I can't believe that I've been living in Paris for three months, and completed the first semester at Uni. It's such a cliché but time has gone by so fast. It seems like yesterday that I was hauling my suitcase up the stairs to my new accommodation, feeling a bit sick with a mixture of excitement and nerves.
I'm coming to the end of my three week Christmas break at home, and it's been beyond amazing to see all my family and friends. I don't think I quite realised how much I missed you all until I saw you!

 Truth be told, on the Eurostar home a little voice in my mind kept asking, 'What if I've changed? What if everyone else has changed?' I did, and do still, feel very different to the nervous, converse-wearing girl clutching her one-way ticket to Paris three months ago. As I didn't go home during Reading Week due to work commitments, I'd gone longer than most others without seeing my parents or best friend in real life, as opposed to Skype.

(Side note- if you move abroad, WiFi quality is of the utmost importance. The connection always seemed to fail just as I was having a deep chat with my parents, or was in fits of laughter with one of my friends. It seems trivial, but it reminds you how just far away from your loved ones you are. At some points I was ready to drop kick my laptop. Moving on....)

However, I needn't have worried; from the moment my mum and I coincidentally met on the doorstep, me laden down with a suitcase and a violin fresh back from Paris, and her coming home from work, it was like I'd never been away. The only thing that has changed in my hometown is the big, shiny new Burger King. Apart from that, it feels like no time has passed since I left!

I'm going back to Paris this weekend, and I'm looking forward to it. I've missed my friends over there, both French, English, (and Polish- cheeky shout out to Ola) and the two children that I babysit and their lovely families. I'm excited to cycle down the Boulevard Saint-Michel, to buy a baguette from my favourite boulangerie, and to stroll around the Sunday markets in Montparnasse.

This semester, I've resolved to go swimming five days a week, to eat more fruit and less pasta, and to do all the reading for lectures (Unlikely, let's face it, but worth a try). Thanks to an amazing book my dad gave me, I also have loads of ideas for jaunts out of the city on the RER. I've also been reading a book about Paris during the occupation, which has inspired me to visit the Musée de la Resistance Nationale in Champigny-sur-Marne, just outside of Paris. Hopefully I'll get there soon!

I'll update as soon as I can- I have a feeling that this semester is going to be even busier than the last.

K x

Thoughts on Paris a week after the attacks

It's now a week since the attacks, and so much has changed. This is how I feel the atmosphere in Paris has changed over the last week; drastically, but not irreparably.
For one, people are scared, and understandably so. The other day when me and a friend were getting lunch from a place just inside Invalides metro station, a siren went off because somebody went through the wrong barrier. Everyone jumped and looked terrified, including the armed policemen who were patrolling, and during the brief moment before I realised there was no danger, my brain went into overdrive and I was prepared to run.
I'm slowly becoming used to seeing armed police everywhere. Yesterday I was on the métro and turned round to be faced with a machine gun. The policeman holding it was chatting with his colleague, which made the whole thing a lot less terrifying, but a little unnerving all the same.
Now, my bag is always being checked, even before being allowed into a supermarket. Security is being stepped up absolutely everywhere. Also, pretty much every big public event in the near future has been cancelled, including the turning on of the Christmas lights on the Champs-Elysées, which shows how seriously the authorities are taking public safety (and rightly so).

Have my own feelings about Paris changed? Yes and no. Something like this so close to home is horrible, and upon hearing the news that an attack was planned for La Défense (which I walk through on my way to work five days a week) I felt physically sick. This week, it has been hard to feel safe, but I am getting there.
However, I am trying to stay positive. The Paris that I know and love is still there, beneath everything. The lights of the cafés and cinemas of Montparnasse are still shining. This may sound silly, and I apologise if so, but the terrorists have already taken enough. They cannot take the spirit of this city too.

Just three hours before the attacks, I was sitting on the steps of La Grande Arche at La Défense. The whole of the business district was lit up in the dusk, the lights from the skyscrapers glimmering against the backdrop of the purple sky. I could see right to the Arc de Triomphe, with a shimmering column of white and red lights from the traffic going towards it. It was so beautiful that I just sat there and let the city buzz around me. I felt at home, and very, very safe.
The memory of this feeling is what is keeping me calm, and it gives me little nudges whenever I hear a siren, or see that yet another suspicious package has been found on the métro (this past week, this has been happening pretty much every hour, no exaggeration).

On Monday, I made a spontaneous decision to go to the Place de la République for the memorial at noon. It was very moving to take part in the minutes silence with hundreds of others, and to see the monument in the centre covered with flowers, candles and messages of peace and hope.
I also went with some people to see the Eiffel Tower lit up in the colours of the French flag, which was incredible.

Fluctuat nec mergitur- she is tossed by the waves, but does not sink. The motto of Paris has never been more apt.

K x

A sad day for Paris.

After the events of yesterday evening, Paris is in mourning. Having been advised not to go out, I'm in my room trying to concentrate on my essay...which is near impossible, because last night countless people lost their lives for no reason other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Paris feels like a warzone.

Last night, we were all gathered in the kitchen until the early hours checking the news and calling friends. I couldn't believe that whilst we were sitting there, free and out of danger, there was a hostage situation taking place just across town, and people were fighting for their lives.
Although the events that were unfolding were horrific, it was heartwarming to hear that all Taxis were made free so that people could get home, and that people were opening up their apartments to strangers who were stranded. It gave me hope that human kindness was prevailing through the chaos and fear.

After spending a while debating whether it was safe or not, I popped to the corner shop one street away, on the usually busy Boulevard du Montparnasse. Today, however, there was almost no traffic and the few people I did see were glancing around them warily. Usually I would take a leisurely stroll listening to music; this time, I walked quickly, on high alert.

I think it will take a while for me, and for countless others, to feel safe in Paris again, or anywhere for that matter. The very vibe of the city is different, I feel. People are terrified, and for that reason all day I've been hearing rumours of a loud bang here, sirens heard there, etc. Fortunately it was just paranoia and nothing serious, but it just shows how deeply this has affected everyone.

It's also important to pray for the other places in the world where attacks have taken place this week, such as Beirut. The tragedy has not been very widely reported in Western media, and this saddens me. This week I'm going to take time to think and pray for everyone affected, and try and donate to a charity. That way I'll at least feel as if I'm doing something to help, however little.

Thank you to everyone that called, texted or messaged to ask if I was okay. I love you all. I'm thinking and praying for the victims families; it's difficult to feel fortunate to be safe when you know that so many others aren't.

K x